We have entered into a new chapter. They got married. It is Lucy’s life and Lucy’s choice. I hope and pray with all of my heart and soul that she is happy and safe and loved.
The only thing I can think of at this point is that maybe there is some possibility that if we had an impartial, trustworthy therapist who could help interpret our positions to one another we would have some sort of participating on eachother’s lives. I am willing. I hate to think of Lucy going through the rest of the pregnancy and the birth of the baby without the involvement and support of her family. Joy is not as joyful when it is not shared. Lucy has some friends and her new family with Greg’s relatives, but that will NEVER be us. She will NEVER have another mother.
I have no idea if she is suffering at all over our estrangement, but if she is, I want to help in ameliorating it in whatever way I can. This is no way to live. We can do better. We can do better for the new baby…
I have no absolutely thoughts of trying to convince her to get un-married. None. It just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do.
I did everything I could possibly do to protect her from making what I understand to be a mistake but now that it is done, it is done. I will not have any more influence over whether or not she marries him, since she chose to marry him. So, that part of my job is over.
I am not really 100% sure why I do not feel compelled to do a blog that says “Please Divorce Him”, but I do not, would not and absolutely have no interest in it. I believe they have won in their determination to prove to me that they are adults and are committed to eachother forever, and now it is up to them to live that out. I don’t want to be a person that would try to break up a marriage…no, that does not feel the least bit right.
Now there is the question which I do not know how to answer or how Lucy and Greg will want to answer it. The question is:
How do we live now?
Is there a way that the two families (Lucy’s family of origin) amd her new family with Greg can be apart of eachother’s lives?
By what terms? Does anyone want to? I do. What are the ground rules? Can such rules be followed? Can such rules be figured out to take care of everyone’s needs?
I recall Greg saying in June that he did not want to worry that every time they had a diagreement or frustration that Lucy would come to me and I would say “See, you shouldn’t have marry him, and undermine their family.” This is perfectly understandable. I would feel the same as Greg if I were in his shoes. I can understand that Lucy and Greg would fear that since we adamantly opposed the union that we would carry those sentiments over to their married life and try to break them up. It kinda makes sense. But I don’t feel that is appropriate of me to do , for some reason. While I wouldn’t have wanted to lie and be suportive of them before the decided to get married, now that it is done I truly believe Lucy has to make the very best of her choice, give it her all, and work towards making it a success.
My help now must come in the form of supporting her new family and loving her and Greg so thatthey have the best chance of success and happiness.
I think the title of this blog is no longer appropriate.
So, if I continue to need to write to express myself, maybe this should be the final post and maybe its time to start a new one. Something along the lines of rememberances of my first days and weeks of marriage, and my pregnancy and anything through which Lucy or Greg might find inspiring and helpful and loving.
It has been very healing for me to have this venue. It has been a healthy and creative channeling of the very worst experience of my life. Much better outlet than drugs or drink or food. I am proud of the body of work contained in this blog. I think it represents well the pain, the anguish, the truth as I understand it. I hope it will help others to make healthy and Biblical choices about their mates. I hope, when Lucy sees me through clearer lenses, that she will appreciate the effort expended in these pages.
Some posts were very angry. I have debated whether I should remove them. Specifically, my post “My Converation with the Maid of Honor” was a very bitter rant about a very horrific phone call. That phone call represented the lowest moment of the whole tortuous pre-wedding period. Her total and complete misunderstanding of my motives and my position was just unbearable. It also didn’t help that I was PMSing.
The same day I wrote “Toast To the Parents of the Groom”. Certainly, another very bitter and mean post. Thats how I felt. I had a lot to be bitter and mean about. No matter what happens in the future with Lucy and Greg’s marriage, the way that Jake and I were treated by Greg’s family was outrageous and that post sort of encapsulates my anger at them for condoning this and for excluding us so permanently from their lives and our daughter’s life. From looking at the pictures of Greg’s mother at the wedding, I can see her illness and feel some compassion for her. But they had no right to treat us the way they did, refusing all attempts to communicate, relegating us to the ilk of a stalker. In my opinion, they abdicated their role as parents and for that, I will always be disappointed in them.
So the final post. I have loved having this outlet. It has saved me on many a nights when crying just wasn’t enough of a release. I hope that the words on this blog will bring some light and hope to others who are going through a similar journey. I don’t know what the next chapters will hold, but maybe another blog will share that story.
Maybe Lucy will consider putting up her own blog which could document her side of the story, her struggle and issues. It would surely make this story much more complete if her story could be told. Lucy is an amazing writer, so I know she could tell a compelling story. And its free to get a blog through wordpress.com.
I could not have gotten through it without the love of Jake. He is the most wonderfull man on the planet and walked through this with me every step of the way. His suffering is also been immense. He feels so disrespected and has been damaged inestimably. We have almost always been able to be there for eachother through this which is good. Just like the loss of Adam, it could have broken us up because the pain is so great and the need to blame one another is so powerful. But this has been another gigantic cementing of our relationship and another chapter in our amazingly rich and challenging life together. I am so completely and forever in love with him. He is my true soulmate and my eternal gratefulness to God for creating such a perfect man for me will sustain me through whatever He has next for Lucy and Greg and for all of my children.
It’s hard to end. I don’t want there to be a final sentence.
